Real Life: Expectations of Dream Followers & Goal Getters

Welcome to another "real life" blog post! I try my best to keep it "real" both on my blog and social media. To me that means being a bit vulnerable sometimes and sharing my truth. You can check out my past real life posts about a week in my life as a yoga teacher, Yoga Practice, not Yoga Perfect, and what it takes to follow your dreams. 

Ever since I stepped on to the ledge and declared loudly (ie: in a moderate tone that only some people could hear)  that I was going to follow my dream, achieve my goals, make some changes, live my best life, etc etc... I have felt a level of expectation placed on me. Some of (maybe most of) these expectations are of course, self-imposed, but some of them are societal in ways. A lot of these expectations are simply unrealistic and seem to set people up for disappointment and discouragement. Most are meant to be empowering, but if not met can leave one feeling like a failure. I wanted to share some of the expectations I experience, in case some of them are being placed on you, by yourself or others, or maybe you are unknowingly placing them on people around you.

Expectation #1: As a dream follower/goal getter, you are going to make really bold choices like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love.

AKA: "So you're going to quit your job to do this thing you love?" (or else you're not really doing it)

Photos that seem to spread the message of making bold moves found here, here and here

Reality: I have certainly placed this expectation on myself over and over. The reality is, if I quit my steady income job, I will struggle a lot paying bills and buying groceries, because I am just not making the funds to support myself doing what I love right now. I know this, so while I have changed my schedule around at my day job to allow for more time to start my Yoga Program and get it off it's feet (I have gone from having 1 person in a class to selling out my latest Beginner session in 6 months time!!!) I still need to go in for my 9-5. This doesn't mean that I am less committed to making this Yoga Program work - in fact I have to be super committed to fit it all in! The goal is that there will come a time that my Yoga career will edge out my 9-5 and then I will gladly hand in my walking papers and hit the yoga mat full time. Life is not like the movies and TV shows we love where the hero/heroine makes a bold gesture and still manages to live in their upscale apartment or travel the world. The boldness in real life is in the statement that we, dream followers, want more out of life and are working at getting that.

Expectation #2: Success comes faster when you do something you love and are good at.

AKA: "So how long are you going to give it??"

Photos that make success sound as a "natural" occurance if you're doing something you love found here and here

Again, some of these are self imposed or my interpretation of things based on the immense pressure I put myself under to achieve my goals. However, success is not EVER overnight. It's actually more like: attempt - fail - attempt - mini success - attempt - fail - attempt - bigger success - attempt - fail again - and on and on.... I can recall every high moment I have had so far in this journey, because that is what keeps me going. I can also remember exactly how each of those low moments felt, because I feel them very deeply. There is not a straight line to success, so if I give myself a timeline, and at the end of my timeline I am in a "fail" moment,  I may be giving up before my next big success! I'm certainly not saying to hold on to an unrealistic dream until you're 45, broke and have to go back to working in retail for the next 30 years to pay off your debt (again, see above expectation). I am saying that I don't know how long I will give this thing. I don't know how long I will give this because I don't know when all this hard ass work I am doing is going to pay off! I didn't know I would sell out a session in my first 6 months - that wasn't the goal. So, the answer is: I'm giving this my all. And really.....

Photo found here

Expectation #3: Success is measured in dollar signs.

AKA: "Is it worth it?"

The first 6 week session I ran, I lost money after paying my rental fee, buying yoga props, advertising and having very a low participant count. The second session, I think I broke even or came close, and the third I made some money, which all goes into my program and I personally do not see any of it.

BUT.

The first session, I had a brand new participant start my program and attend every week of the session and sign up for the second session (a returning participant means she loved it - success!)

The second session, I met a participant who ended up telling her friends about the program and 3 of them signed up for the next session (she must love it if she is telling her friends - success!)

The third session, I had people asking me to email them updates on Fall programming so they could be sure to sign up.

I am bringing yoga into the lives of people who maybe wouldn't have tried it otherwise. They are falling in love with the practice, how their bodies feel, and how they feel in their bodies. This is how I am measuring success. So, yes, It is worth it. 

I would love to hear from you! Are you experiencing pressure from expectations, self-imposed or otherwise? Are there others I have missed? Let me know in the comments :) 

Real Life: Yoga Practice, Not Yoga Perfect

This post was supposed to be my favourite restorative poses to do with the Yoga Bolster, however, I didn't get the photo's all done for the poses... nobody's perfect right??? 

Let's talk about that for a minute. As a Yoga Instructor there are some real, and perhaps imagined, expectations that are placed on me, either by students, other teachers or myself. I got to thinking about this when I found myself in my car shouting at another driver (all windows closed of course)  and feeling slightly road rage-y. I thought, I am a Yoga Teacher, I should really be better than this. This is not in line with Yoga values. Well guess what?! The very next day I'm pretty sure the entire situation played over again - shouting in my car, feeling bad about it, scolding myself for not being better. This is just one example of an expectation that I have put on myself, but what about expectations others may have?? Some examples that I have heard of or have experienced include:

"I thought I saw you in your car, but the person I saw was eating chips so I thought it couldn't have been you"

(This happened to another teacher I know....Just so you know, I eat chips and love them)

"You must be vegetarian" 

(I eat all types of meat) 

"You must be pretty calm and zen all the time"

(Yells at people in the car on the reg')

So, why am I telling you my dirty little meat eating, road rage secret? To let you know that it's a Yoga Practice, not Yoga Perfect. You don't have to get it all right, all the time or even some of the time, and do not expect your teacher to. Do not put a teacher on a pedestal - that leads to all sorts of problems - they are human just as you are, so when they are at the front of the class talking about presence, or gratitude, maybe it's as much of a reminder for themselves as it is for the class. It doesn't mean someone is a "bad yogi" - at least in my humble opinion, it means they are human. It certainly shouldn't mean that you think less of them as a teacher or student (or that they should think less of themselves). So, next time I find myself shouting at another driver, I will continue to practice mindfulness by recognizing the behaviour and feeling and then maybe, someday, I may be able to drive around Winnipeg only raising my voice to sing loudly in my car. 

Have you ever had an experience where you felt there were expectations placed on you, by others or yourself? Do you have expectations of your yoga teachers? 

Real Life: Moving from "Worrier" to "Warrior"

This illustration inspired the title of this post. Keep reading to learn my tips on moving from "Worrier" to  "Warrior". 

Welcome to another "real life" blog post! I try my best to keep it "real" both on my blog and social media. To me that means being a bit vulnerable sometimes and sharing my truth. You can check out my past real life posts about a week in my life as a yoga teacher, and what it takes to follow your dreams. 

Worrying happens. It’s part of being human I think. The good news is, when you start to have anxious,limiting thoughts, or are filled with self-doubt, you have the power to change the dialogue. Recently I was informed that a Rec Centre Yoga class I have taught for a couple years would not be renewing their contract with the studio that employed me.  This situation had great potential to send me into a self-doubt spiral, and honestly, would have in the past. This time, however, I was able to navigate the situation with much more ease and much less worry, which inspired me to write this post.  Here is what helps me when I find myself deep in that self-doubt/worry spiral – maybe it will help you move from a Worrier to a Warrior too. 

1. Be Mindful – We have millions of thoughts a day, they just float in and out of our consciousness and sometimes, we get stuck on one or two. If you can work on being mindful with your thoughts, then you can catch those less than constructive ones in their tracks, simply by noticing them. For example, when I read the email about the situation above, the pit in my stomach said “They don’t think you’re a good teacher”, “you’re not good enough” and a variety of less than helpful and kind thoughts. I noticed those thoughts, and responded “hello limiting beliefs” (not out loud of course… ;)) Just being able to notice and label the thought gives you a grasp on it, which is what you need to be able to let it go. 

2. Be Present – Most times the stories that we tell are future stories (Well if this happened today, then tomorrow this will happen and I will end up losing my job and all my money and no one will love me by next week!), or past stories (this probably happened because that one time I did this and if I just had done that instead – let’s play that over and over and over). We have little to no control over past and future situations which is likely one of the reasons they are so bothersome.  What I find helpful when I haven’t been able to mindfully label my thought and let it go - therefore ending up in “story mode” - is to get grounded in the present. What am I doing right now? Where am I right now? What is happening in this very moment? I am sitting in my chair in my office. I just ate lunch. I am working. I have to send an email. I’m going to make some tea….. None of these thoughts are particularly activating, and get me grounded in the here and now, which is the only moment I can do anything about.

3. Be rooted in the truth – Now that we are in the present moment, let’s be truthful. What is true right now? I have a partner that I love and who loves me. I have a family that I love and who love me. I have a job that provides me with enough money to survive and live a good life. I have friends. I have a body that is healthy. These things will not change if I lose this teaching job or if I lose all my teaching jobs. My family doesn’t love me because I am a good Yoga teacher. My friends aren’t only spending time with me because I teach a certain number of classes per week. The Yoga studio didn’t revoke all of my classes and tell me I can’t teach for them anymore. The email said “thanks for the great instructor”. These are the facts. 

4. Be Grateful – Once you have your true facts, throw some gratitude at them. I am so grateful to have loving family and friends. I am so grateful that I have more than one job to support me. I am so grateful for the yoga studio that continues to support me and provides me training to help me grow as a teacher. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to teach that class for as long as I did because I loved teaching that group. And so on, and so on…. Gratitude really does have the power to shift your entire perspective and mood.  

Feel Better? I know I do, and I truly hope that next time you find yourself in a self-doubt/worry spiral, you’ll be able to use these tools to make your way out of it.